I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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