when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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