When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
this will be a night to untag.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
