I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
