I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
