you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
