Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
