Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
