Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
