I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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