if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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