Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
