A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
