I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
