I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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