the condom got lost in my hair
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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