bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
