Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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