One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
