he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
