u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
