end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
