I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
