Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
