she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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