At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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