that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
