I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
