Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
