My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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