he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
