my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
