If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
