Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
