having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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