There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
