Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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