Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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