Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
