Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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