I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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