I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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