I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
