I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
