I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
