They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
