Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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