85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
