It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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