The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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