So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
