I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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